Woe is me

I wander around the house aimlessly, eyes drifting vacantly as I search for something to occupy myself. Soon my hands start to shake. At these moments, I pet my dog, who is convinced that there is something hiding underneath the fridge. I switch the tv on, flick from channel to channel, and switch it off again. Then I start to wander again, inevitably ending up at the fridge, where I reach for yet another piece of chocolate or cake or pie.

Ok so I might be exaggerating but I am seriously starting to lose my mind. My access to the world has been cut off. My lifeline, my entertainment, my connection with friends and loved ones.

Need I spell it out?

MY INTERNET IS DOWN

Woe is me and beware the hapless technician who will come to tell me that they need another two business days to fix the problem. I know it's wrong to shoot the messenger, but I am beyond morals now.

Never get between a net addict and her internet, or else I will trample you like a hippo will someone who comes between it and water. You have been WARNED...