Bizarro

I read an article the other day about this group of friends debating which side of the world, East or West, was more bizarre. If we were to compare countries however, I think Malaysia would easily win the Most Bizarre Country award. Yet another tropy for Malaysia's Guinness World Records shelf. I mean we already have the award for the first space participant, tallest twin towers, longest teh tarik pouring, most number of kite flying and probably biggest pancake or something equally silly, so what's another Record?

Here, in no particular order, are the top five reasons why Malaysia should win the Most Bizarre Country award. 

1. Malaysian Bigfoot

The Himalayas have their yetis, Scotland has the Loch Ness monster and the Americans keep claiming they have found the mysterious Bigfoot. But Malaysians know that the real bigfoot is right here in Malaysia, Johor to be exact. In fact, the government has even launched an official enquiry into the issue. Evidence of the elusive bigfoot has been hard to find, however, even though the Malaysian Nature Society has been throwing their resources into finding this mythical beast in hopes of promoting eco-tourism. 

2. Teapot religion

L. Ron Hubbard may have come up with Scientology, the "religion" that purports that man is a "Thetan" or immortal spiritual being that is trapped on earth in human form and subject to a series of mental implants to keep him manageable, but Malaysia has it's very own Ariffin Mohamad, better known as "Ayah Pin" or the creator of the giant teapot religion. 

Ayah Pin's Sky Kingdom, established in Terengganu, consisted of a large yellow umbrella, a representation of Noah's Ark, and a two-storey high concrete teapot, which symbolised the purity of water. Founded in 1975, Ayah Pin claimed that he was a reincarnation of the gods of Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity and Islam. He managed to amass thousands of followers from as far as America and Australia before the authorities got fed up of what they termed as his deviant teachings and razed the whole shebang to the ground in 2005. 

3. Jeweled toes

So what if other countries can get tears from a statue? Malaysia has Siti Suhana Saadon, who can produce colourful crystals from her toes. Apparently her toe nails obligingly open up to spit out these stones before sealing themselves back up. I wonder how much these stones are worth? And maybe she can diversify by spitting them out of her fingertips too, then she'd have enough of the things to start a handicraft shop perhaps!

4. Four eyed meetings

In the recent heated political climate, our PM and DPM seem to be having a lot of these meetings to discuss the fate of the nation. E.g.

Friday, 9/26 in The Star: 

The (supreme council) meeting took place between 1am and 3am on Tuesday. That same evening, Abdullah and Najib had a four-eyed meeting.

Tuesday, 9/16 in The Star:

Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi had a four-eyed meeting with his deputy Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak for more than four hours to discuss the country's present political situation, including the Umno transition plan.

Presumably it means they're having a private meeting (2 people = 4 eyes), but who knows? In this nation, anything goes.

5. Alternative treatments

Last but not least in my case for Malaysa Most Bizarre is the latest fad in alternative treatment - beating it out of you. Whatever it is you want to be treated for, be it asthma and liver problems or you just want to quit smoking, the Al-Arqam group has the answer. Malaysian couple Mohamed Ibrahim Kader Mydin and Rosina Mydin Pillay were recently bludgeoned to death with helmets and broomsticks by their family members after their nephew, an Al-Arqam member, convinced them that this "ritual cleansing" was the solution to all their problems. Admittedly the treatment doesn't seem to have a high survival rate, but hey, it's certainly effective - at least the guy isn't smoking anymore, right?