Bar joke... or is it?

You know those lame bar jokes with animals in them? Like this one:

A centaur walks into a bar and sits next to an attractive woman.
"You look a lot different than most of the men who come here," said the woman to the centaur.
"I guess you could say that," the centaur replied. "I'm half-man, half-horse."
"Well, I wish my husband were more like you," said the woman. "He's a total jackass."

Well if you're a Tyneside local named Peggy, you might get the last laugh. Turns out Peggy, a 12-year-old horse, has been enjoying the occasional pint and packet of crisps along with her owner at the local pub. Until the landlady kicked her out, that is. Her reason? The horse might ruin her new carpets, although she's a lot cleaner than some of her other regulars! Poor Peggy can only watch through the window now.

Labels

Fat Thin Anorexic Obese Ugly Pretty Cute Sweet Bitch Jerk Smart Dumb Idiot Mensa

Heartbreaker Casanova Joelizer

Disabled Special needs Wheelchair bound

Slut Stud

Migrant Bumi 

Chinese Malay Indian Black White Brown Yellow Nigger Chink Paki RACIST Young Old Senior citizen Wet behind the ears AGEIST Male Female Trannie SEXIST 

Unemployed male DEAD BEAT DAD Unemployed female HOMEMAKER

I'm tired of labels. Open your eyes and look beyond the stereotypes.

Illicit sex? Yes, please!

Zul Hassan, Perak Tengah district councillor, has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Or the honey jar, as the case may be. Looks like some guy tried to blackmail Zul, who's facing a corruption charge, saying that he has pics of him having sex with a Chinese national. But Zul wasn't standing for that, so he reported the guy to the ACA. And the best part? His defense was, and I quote:

What is important is that we did not ask for the women. He supplied them to us. If people sedekah (give), don't you want to accept the sedekah?

Fascinating logic, Zul. So is it then alright for the nice traffic cop to accept some money from the guy he pulled over just because the driver sedekah-ed it too? How about this scenario - if I sedekah-ed you some bull's penis or monkey brains, which are considered a delicacy in some parts of the world, would you have accepted that too?

The part I can't figure out is, if the Chinese national was a bribe, which was obviously accepted, isn't he as guilty as the other guy under corruption laws? Perhaps he's learning from his mistakes and turning over a new leaf? Hmmm....

In other news, can you believe that Sanlu, that Chinese milk company knew about the tainted milk since December of last year and didn't do anything about it?? The people responsible should be slapped behind bars and made to drink nothing but their milk formula for the rest of their lives.

One ticket to Sydney, please!

Sydney, land of the great Opera House and the Coat Hanger bridge. Or is it? Maybe you'll see a Big Ceilidh Fiddle instead.

Turns out some people wanting to visit the bustling Australian city have been visiting another Sydney instead. Like the Argentinian and two British would-be tourists who ended up in Sydney, Nova Scotia, Canada, where the only attraction is that fiddle. Pay attention, people! Cambridge, Mass, and Cambridge, UK are both college towns, but in very different places. And let me tell you, Melbourne, Arkansas, Melbourne, Florida, and Melbourne, Derbyshire, are very different from Melbourne, Australia. Ah, the perils of online flight bookings.

Of books and libraries

My parents recently joined a new club. When I first heard the news, I started dreaming of going there for the occasional swim and perhaps using the gym. That was until my mom told me that being over 18, I'm not allowed to use any of the club's facilities as my parents' guest until they become fully-fledged members in two years' time. So there went my dreams, rudely burst like so many pin-pricked helium-filled balloons.

Because of this, I was determined not to be impressed by the club and its facilities when we went for lunch today. Until we came across the library. It's a small, cosy library, filled with mostly old and fraying books. I loved it, though. I have very strict criteria by which I judge any bookstore or library that I come across. If the establishment doesn't meet this criteria, I view it as a dismal failure and will only grudgingly go there if I have no other option. And what is this criteria? Whether they have books by Terry Pratchett, and whether they have comfy armchairs.

What? I didn't say they were particularly profound criteria.

This particular library had half a shelf dedicated to Terry. They don't have his complete works, but they do have a respectable amount of his books. As bonuses, I also found some by Robin Hobb and Eoin Colfer although they didn't have any by Robert Asprin. So I borrowed three books, including one of Terry's. I've read them all, but his gems are always worth another read or four. Me happy :)

One of these days, when I finally settle down somewhere, I will start collecting his books. Thanks, Pegs, for starting my collection :)

Vote for Kiva on AmEx's Members Project!

Microfinance for the masses

We've all heard about Mohd Yunus, the Nobel Peace Prize-winning entrepreneur who brought microfinance to Bangladesh's poor via the Grameen Bank. When I first discovered microfinance, I thought it was a fantastic idea - loaning small sums of money to the underprivileged, in most cases a group of women who are collectively responsible for the loan, which they then use as capital to create a livelihood, e.g. by buying goats to breed for meat and milk. The key breakthrough in this idea is that by loaning the money primarily to women, who are supposedly more financially responsible, and to a group that is collectively responsible for the loan, which imposes social pressures on group members to cough up the money, the loans are more secure - so far, Grameen Bank boasts a 90% repayment rate since their inception.

The thing I didn't know was how to participate in projects like these. But one fine day, I discovered Kiva. Their mission is to "connect people through lending for the sake of alleviating poverty" - an admirable goal if I've ever heard of one. Through Kiva, one can scroll through a list of entrepreneur profiles from all over the world who are in need of these microcredit loans and choose the person or people that you want to sponsor. Kiva then partners with existing expert microfinance institutions to disburse the money to these entrepreneurs. Throughout the course of the loan, which usually lasts for six to twelve months, lenders can receive journal updates and track the status of loan repayments. And the best part is, you can lend as little as USD25!


I chose Keo Sokdy, a 38 year old Cambodian woman with four children who works as a rice dealer and a teacher in her village. Who will you choose?


However, loaning your own money isn't all that you can do - you can get other people to GIVE Kiva vast sums of money, specifically USD2.5 million from American Express through their Members Project. Yes, that's right. $2.5 million to fight poverty. Vote for Kiva now! And if you're not an American Express card holder, get your friends who are to vote for them.

It's official - Malaysian taxis suck!

The Expat, a Malaysian magazine, has made it official. In a survey of 200 foreigners from 30 countries, Malaysian taxis were rated the worst out of 23 countries in terms of taxi quality, courtesy, availability and expertise.

It seems like everyone who's ever tried to take a taxi in Malaysia has a horror story to share about their experience. From vastly inflated prices and a reluctance to use the meter (what else is it there for??) to flat out refusing to take you to your destination, the stories all have a common theme - poor service, to put it mildly.

I don't have much occasion to use a cab, fortunately, but a few months ago, my cousins and I were trying to get a cab to take us home from the LRT station. There was a queue, which was surprising in itself, this being Malaysia and all, and this particular incident happened when there were two other people in the line ahead of us. A cab drew up to the curb and the person at the front of the line opened the door and stuck his head in. This gesture is telling in itself - you always have to ASK the driver if he'll take you where you want to go because this is not a given like in most civilized countries. If the driver agrees, then you can go ahead and stick your butt in too, but in this case, the guy simply walked away. When the next person in line got turned away as well, I gave the cabbie the benefit of the doubt, assuming that he was on his way home and didn't want to take a passenger out of his way. But when I stuck my head in the cab, I found out the real reason, I could see why the first two would-be passengers had walked away in a huff: they guy was asking for RM10 for a 5-minute journey home, which cost only RM3.50 in the next metered cab that we took. Preposterous!

But the horror stories don't end there. To this day, I have not figured out how to take a bus in my own city. As far as I can tell, the only way you can discover the secrets of the bus system is through superhero-like powers of observation. There have been plenty of discussions about improving the bus system, but so far, I haven't seen a single article about the fundamentals - how to use the system. There are no timetables. There are no route maps. There are no signs at the bus stops that tell you what buses stop there and where they go. Perhaps this vital information exists at the bus depots, but I'm not even sure of this, and besides, how can you limit this information to only one station?

The government is pledging to revamp the public transport system following our PM's less-than-satisfactory experience on the LRT during one morning rush hour. There are multiple plans on the table, including extending the LRT lines and I think I saw something about building better bus shelters. But here's a call to the powers that be - don't forget the basics. Give us a sign that you've heard our plea. Literally.

Food + MSG = 0 winks

I had dinner with some friends at a Vietnamese restaurant yesterday. It was a fun night out - plenty of laughs and good conversation. Strawberries dipped in milk chocolate (dark would've been better) was an excellent way to end the night.

Except the night didn't end there. In fact, it felt like the night didn't end at all as I lay tossing and turning in my bed. As the hours dragged by, I finally managed to get some fitful rest but that didn't stop me from feeling like a jetlagged grouchy bear today.

Determined to find out what kept me awake all night, I started hunting for clues online. Turns out my mother was right about Monosodium Glutamate affecting sleep. Even Merck's Online Medical Library agrees. Some people are so affected by MSG that they experience awareness during sleep paralysis - scary stuff that involves being able to look around the room (eyes not fully open) and seeing ghosts and demons. Apparently the condition has been blamed for claims of alien abductions and ghost sightings. Hmm... it would be interesting to see if the frequency of these reports increased after the proliferation of MSG.

Anyway, I suspect that the Vietnamese restaurant used MSG in its cooking. Grr... Of course, like everything else, different people have different sensitivities to MSG. But this grouchy bear is declaring a HEX ON MSG!

If you see a hobo polar bear, panic!

A bomb squad has been called in to take down a "hobo polar bear" that had commuters alarmed outside a train station in the US.

Passersby on the street first noticed the shabbily-dressed figure standing by a rubbish bin outside the Columbia Heights Metro station in Washington DC soon after daybreak, nbc4.com reports.

Huge crowds gathered to watch the scene while train services were halted before police gave the all-clear.

The local station was closed for almost two hours as the matter was investigated.

The bomb squad arrived hours later and tore the "bear" apart, revealing what appeared to be an elaborate costume and a great deal of stuffing.

Local bloggers immediately began circulating theories to explain its presence, with one believing the "bear" was most likely a Mark Jenkins art installation commenting on global warming.

Jenkins has left similar-looking street art in locations across the globe, ranging from man-horse hybrids to figures stuck upside down in rubbish bins.

"Did anyone see it move?" wrote blogger DCist.

Another theory was it was the same costume bear which had been seen around the US capital holding placards bemoaning climate change and other environmental issues.

Authorities are yet to give their own explanation for the incident.

Original article here.

Battle Royale

There's a grand tussle going on today for the reins of the country but closer to home, there's an even bigger battle - the one for the prime parking space.

My neighbour and I both have a driveway big enough for two cars inside our gates. For my family, it's ideal for our needs but for my neighbours who have a fluctuating number of cars depending on how many inlaws and outlaws they have staying over, it's a different story. They have at least four cars in the family, and for some reason, they like to park only one car in the driveway. When my family decided to do the same (don't ask me why) the whole parking thing became a very interesting game indeed.

The battle started when the neighbour across from us decided to do some renovation work. To do that, he needed to park a large garbage receptacle in one of the available spaces at the side of the road, thus depriving the two warring factions of a vital parking space. As soon as that vital extra space was taken away, the fun began. We've always parked our car in the space outside our house, right beside our gate, and the neighbour kept his cars outside his house on his side of the gate. However, when that extra space across from us was taken away, he started taking up all of the available places on his side of the gate, which he's supposed to share with his other neighbour. That neighbour kicked up a fuss, telling him that the space was needed, and asking him not to park there anymore. So he took to parking outside my house, which was a little annoying as the only other available space was two, or sometimes even four houses away. However, he moved the car now and then when he had to use it, so it was only an intermittent problem.

In the last week, though, his car has been sitting pretty in that spot and to our knowledge, it has yet to be moved. Sneaky. Very sneaky. We don't have very good relations with our neighbour to begin with (long story) so we haven't taken it up with him and don't plan to. And so our battle has reached a very unsatisfying stalemate.

My cousin's battle with her neighbours, however, is just getting juicy. She bought a link house about a year ago in a gated community but she and her husband have been busy with work so the house has been vacant for a while. Recently, however, their schedules have lightened a little so they've decided to do a few basic renovations before moving into their new home. My cousin got a rude shock, though, when she took the contractor to her house only to find a car parked in her driveway. Better still, her gate was padlocked shut! She surmised, correctly, that it was her neighbour's car, but when she told the neighbour that the padlock was inappropriate and asked him to move his car, her neighbour responded that the gate had to be kept locked otherwise it was too much of an inconvenience for her! Of all the nerve... And that's just the beginning of her troubles. But that's another story.

All in all, I guess it's better to have your neighbour parking outside your house rather than inside. The moral of the story is, be thankful for little victories!

And we all fall down

Ten banking houses in the world
Ten banking houses
One fell, what the hell
Nine banking houses in the world

And repeat

And repeat

Replace "banking" with "mortgage" and repeat twice more

How many will fall before this crisis is over? How much wealth, imaginary or otherwise, down the drain? And that's just the start of it. I can just see, in my mind, two bombs dropping like on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Except this time it's not so clear who are the villains and who are the victims. Who will be the victors and who the vanquished? I can just picture the aftershocks rippling through the world, with us mere mortals struggling to pick ourselves up, while the CEOs are floating gently down to earth with their golden parachutes.

"Fee! Fie! Fo! Fum!," said the Wall Street giants
I smell the blood of Americans with poor credit history!
Be they 'live, or be they dead,
I'll grind their bones to make my bread.

Just as in the story, the arrangement was mutually beneficial for a while, but in the end, the giants, like the fictitious giant, fell, except this time the consequences are very very real.

Anyone care to give the box a good shake?

May you live in interesting times.

- Terry Pratchett

Blessed

I happened to be in the day ward of a hospital today. While I was there, an old man was wheeled in and put in the bay across the aisle. He lay there, every bone-thin inch of him curled into a foetal position. He made no sound, just lay there with his eyes scrunched tight against the pain. Helpless, unable even to control his own bodily functions, he had to suffer the ignominy of having his diaper changed by the caring nurses. He had no friends, no family, no visitors to soothe him and ease the pain. 

It's hard to see, sometimes, how blessed I really am. Young and healthy, surrounded by family and friends, I couldn't want for anything more. It recently hit me how fragile life is. A simple trip can leave one with a fractured elbow or more. Just when you least expect it, the worst news can hit: terminal illness, the death of a loved one, leaving your life changed forever. 

As we go through life, it's easy to slip into our routines, easy to let it slide into the mundane. But every once in a while, something comes along to wake you up, urging you to LIVE. With Passion and Zest and Energy. 

Thank you, Uncle, for reminding me of that. I hope that as closing time drew near, you had someone to pick you up, someone to drive you to a loving home, where friends and family are waiting to pamper you.

Grow Up!

A summary of the controversy surrounding Bukit Bendera UMNO division chief Datuk Ahmad Ismail:

Datuk Ahmad Ismail: The journalist started it! My "Chinese squatters" comment was referring to pre-Merdeka times and the journalist interpreted it wrongly.

Journalist: I stand by what I said. He's wrong!

Datuk Ahmad: Am not!

Journalist: Are too!

Datuk Ahmad: Am not! 

Pak Lah: Stop it!

Datuk Ahmad: Gerakan should be kicked out of the BN! Tear up his (Gerakan acting prez Tan Sri Dr Koh Tsu Koon) picture!

Grow up, people. This is embarassing.

September 10th update:

My favourite line in the newspaper today:

He [Datuk Ahmad Ismail] said the explained to Abdullah that his controversial speech in Permatang Pauh was supposed to be confined to a Malay audience.

And I suppose that makes it all better. Last I checked, UMNO was still part of Barisan National, a multi-racial party. Why oh why does everything in this country have to be race-based?

Datuk Ahmad Ismail dramafest

They say that any publicity is good publicity, but surely the good Datuk would beg to differ. After commenting on the "immigrant" status of non-Malays two weeks ago, the Datuk left the furore, generated by what some view as his seditious remarks behind and led a sepak takraw team to a tournament in Bangkok. Upon his return, he continued to be elusive, even for the Prime Minister. His stubborn silence persisted, even after the DPM apologized on his and UMNO's behalf. On Wednesday, he protested that he had done nothing wrong and refused to apologize, and finally today, the UMNO division chief claimed he was merely referring to history, namely the Chinese labour brought in by the British. 

After all that drama, the Datuk must surely be hoping to just stick his head in the sand until the skies clear. However, Malaysians aren't quite ready to let him off the hook. He is facing five reports lodged under the 1948 Sedition Act, and mutterings and grumblings from various sources, including popular almost-banned local online newspaper MalaysiaToday, in which readers remind the Datuk that to the orang asli, he is a "pendatang" or immigrant as well. With numerous reports of corruption, the highest inflation rate in years, and an ongoing murder trial allegedly involving top officials, Malaysia's melting pot rakyat is bubbling merrily, and it won't take much for the pot to boil over. Looks like Anwar picked the perfect time to stage a comeback.

Microsoft vs. GM

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, 'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all me driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason, you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Apple would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought Car95, CarNT or a later model. But, then you would have to buy more seats.

7. The airbag system would ask, 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

9. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.

And my favourite:

10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lift the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.


Unfortunately, this is a joke. How cool would it be if this for real? :P

About me photo

I came across this really cool idea today. They say a photo is worth a thousand words, so instead of writing a boring about-me description, I'll just do this instead.

Directions:

1. Take the following list of questions and type the answers one by one into Flickr search.

2. Choose your favourite image on the first page of the search results only.

3. Paste the URL into Big Huge Lab's Mosaic Maker (Choose 3 columns with 4 rows).

Questions:

1. What is your first name?

2. What is your favourite food?

3. What high school did you go to?

4. What is your favourite colour?

5. Who is your celebrity crush?

6. What is your favourite drink?

7. What is your dream vacation?

8. What is your favourite dessert?

9. What do you want to be when you grow up?

10. What do you love most in life?

11. One word to describe you.

12. What is your favourite animal?

Result:

1. Pei after dark, Vol. 2, 2. Curry Laksa, 3. Watering the Wall of Indifference, 4. The Emerald Coast, 5. Who's the hottest male celebrity?, 6. Prenent un Bany. Taking a Bath., 7. Solo the Kangaroo, 8. Untitled, 9. a family dinner, 10. Lazy Day, 11. mochi mochi, 12. Perspective Matters (870 unique and cool people count this photo as a favorite)

So what's your story?

Pegs, tag! you're it :)

New Apex University for Malaysia

Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM) has beaten out the University Malaya and several other local institutions to become the first "Apex University", Malaysia's version of the Ivy League, in the country. With this "Accelerated programme for Excellence", USM is expected to rank among the top 200 universities in the world in five year's time and among the top 100 if not the top 50 by the year 2020. 

The university will have autonomy in student intake, although it will reflect both the demographic profile of the country and merit. Let's hope this Apex University can increase the transparency of the intake process and avoid all the usual fuss about quota systems and such. 

Congratulations to USM, but a word of advice: Make raising the standard of English your top priority. As it is, another university was recently made the laughing stock of the country when it published this cringe-inducing advertorial:

ADVERTORIAL
New Straits Times
23 August 2008, page 43

HONORARY DEGREE AWARD
7TH CONVOCATION CEREMONY UNIVERSITY TUN HUSSEIN ONN MALAYSIA
TO
YANG AMAT MULIA RAJA ZARITH SOFIAH BINTI ALMARHUM
SULTAN IDRIS AL-MUTAWAKIL ALALLAHI SHAH
D.K.II, S.P.M.J., S.P.C.M.

Yang Amat Mulia Raja Zarith Sofiah binti Almarhum Sultan Idris Al-Mutawakil Alallahi Shah has born on 14th of August 1959 in Hospital Batu Gajah, Perak. Yang Amat Mulia Raja Zarith is a third son to Duli Yang Maha Mulia Paduka Seri Sultan Perak Darul Ridzwan and Duli Yang Maha Mulia Raja Mazuwin binti almarhum Raja Arif Shah.

Yang Amat Mulia Raja Zarith Sofiah get early education in Sekolah Rendah Jenis Kebangsaan Datin Khadijah Kuala Kangsar in the state his birthplace namely in Perak. After end of the education in primary school, Yang Amat Mulia continue the education to form one at Sekolah Jenis Kebangsaan Raja Perempuan Kalsom Kuala Kangsar, Perak.

In the month of September 1972, Yang Amat Mulia Raja Zarith Sofiah have set forth to England for further education in Chaltenham Ladies College, Gloucestershire to form six. Then, Yang Amat Mulia continue learning it in Davies College London in September 1977 and his following year in receive enter to Somerville College, London after having passed Oxford Entrance Examination.

After graduated at Oxford University with Bachelor of Art in June 1983 and follow the traditional University of Oxford, Yang Amat Mulia Raja Zarith will receive Master of Art after three years in 1986. Yang Amat Mulia also is a linguist follow several courses including language Mandarin at the tertiary level, French and Italy language.

As his father, Yang Amat Mulia Raja Zarith Sofiah is a person that talented in picture arts. Refinement of soul, Yang Amat Mulia always watching natural beauty environment immortalize in the form photograph and painting to make look and reference. Yang Amat Mulia Raja Zarith performance become guide to deliver the message education to general public. Yang Amat Mulia concern on women and natural world and it custody aspect in become deep theme in painting.

Yang Amat Mulia Raja Zarith Sofiah comply have interest profoundest field documentation. Apart from producing book, Yang Amat Mulia Raja Zarith doubled up guest writer in the The New Straits Times newspapers and in personal column it “Mind Matters” in The Star newspaper. Besides writing, Yang Amat Mulia comply active presenting a working paper at the conference national level and international.

Education from her father and mother over concern to the people, make Yang Amat Mulia Raja Zarith Sofiah likes engaged in voluntary activities about as Deputy President of Majlis Wanita Johor (ROSE), Chief of Persatuan Pandu Puteri Malaysia Johor branch, Chairman of Nationalistic Community Service Red Crescent Malaysia, Patron of Spastic Children School in Johor Bahru, Patron Rotary Club of Tebrau Foundation, Advisor of Traditional Arts School International in London and become Pro Chancellor University Technology Malaysia (UTM) and becomen Royal Felllow Faculty of Language and Linguistic University Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM).

As the appreciation towards her contributions of ideas and efforts in the development of education in Malaysia, Chancellor of University Tun Hussein Onn Malaysia, Duli Yang Amat Mulia Tunku lbrahim lsmail lbni Sultan lskandar, Tunku Mahkota Johor, has approbation to presented the awards to Yang Amat Mulia Raja Zarith Sofiah binti Almarhum Sultan Idris Al-Mutawakil Alallahi Shah the Honorary Doctorate of Philosophy in Education at 7th Convocation Ceremony of University Tun Hussein Onn Malaysia in this year. Congratulation from us, University Tun Hussein Onn Malaysia members.

What's in a name?

I signed up for a conference on Corporate Social Responsibility this weekend. Standing as it does on the border of the corporate world and the idealistic, philanthropic world, the idea of CSR, and perhaps of working in the field, is highly appealing to me.

I was looking forward to this weekend with rose-tinted glasses until I received a phone call today from one of the organizers. After the usual preliminaries, the conversation went like this:

Organizer: Have you graduated or are you still studying?
Me: I graduated in June last year.
Organizer: Ok, which school did you graduate from?
Me: Princeton University
Organizer: Can you spell that for me, please?
Me: P-R-I-N-C-E-T-O-N
Organizer: Which country is that in?

Sigh. I'm not one to brag. In fact, here's a typical conversation about my tertiary education:

Random person: Where did you go to school?
Me: America
Random person: Oh cool, lots of people I know went there too. Where?
Me: Uh... New Jersey.

And this is where the conversation splits into one of three paths:

Path 1 - No further questions, Your Honour.

Random person: Oh ok.

Path 2 - Oh I know all about New Jersey universities

Random person: Oh, Rutgers is it?
Me: No, very near there, though.

Path 3 - The truth comes out

Random person: Where in New Jersey?
Me: Urm. Princeton University.
Random person: OH

And then one of two things happen: they either have a blank look in their eyes or the way the person looks at it completely changes. Sometimes there is new-found respect. Mostly there's that look in their eyes that goes 'Oh, she must be a smart aleck. Such a bragger." Sigh.

Seriously, I'm not one to brag, but sometimes I wish my alma mater were better known where I come from. At least then I wouldn't get questions like "Can you spell that, please?" or "Which country is that in?"

Terry Pratchett has a new book out!

Sometime back in high school, I came across a Terry Pratchett book in my local library. I'm pretty sure it was Interesting Times. The prologue:

There is a curse.

They say:
May you live in Interesting Times

Here's another of his beginnings from The Colour of Magic, first in the Discworld series:

In a distant and secondhand set of dimensions, in an astral plane that was never meant to fly, the curling star-mists waver and part...

See...

Great A'Tuin the turtle comes, swimming slowly through the interstellar gulf, hydrogen frost on his ponderous limbs, his huge and ancient shell pocked with meteor craters. Through sea-sized eyes that are crusted with rheum and asteroid dust He stares fixedly at the Destination.

If that isn't enough to draw you in, you may as well go and stick your head in a well and stay there.

Ever since that first book, I've been an avid reader of his books, usually devouring them in one sitting, uninterrupted even by toilet breaks. With delightfully memorable characters like Rincewind, Death, Granny Weatherwax and Sam Vimes, all set in a flat, round world called the Discworld, Terry Pratchett's award-winning series is an immensely satisfying satirical take on all the crazy little things that happen here in our own boring little world.

From the Colour of Magic to the 35th and latest book in the series, Making Money, not much has been spared by Pratchett's wicked pen. From continents and cultures to little things like sausages in buns and building a city on top of another city, he points out the little foibles that make us all human. Even famous historical personages like Leonardo da Vinci and Conan the Barbarian are parodied as Leonard of Quirm and Cohen the Barbarian.

Then sometime last year, Terry discovered that he had early-onset Alzheimers. I was in shock when I found out. Alzheimers is a terrible disease, slowly eating away at your mind, your memories, your very being until nothing is left. Worst (and perhaps a little selfishly) of all, every day, the world is losing bits of the fantastic Discworld that's locked up in Terry's head.

It doesn't seem to have stopped him, though. I just found out about the new release of the first two books of the series - this time in graphic novel format! *jumps up and down* I can't wait to get my hands on it. Take a look!



And at the end of the month, he's releasing a new book, Nation! :) Yay for new entertainment!

Something fishy in the air

The headlines at home have been as sensational as news in the US recently, although local news actually have some meat behind it. In the last week alone, we have been deluged by news about Anwar's success in the Permatang Pauh elections, about ACA's sudden zeal in arresting corrupt officials (kudos to ACA), and about the Malaysian Budget for 2009.

But I'm more interested in the Auditor-General's 2008 report. Last year's report highlighted cases where a car jack was purchased by the National Youth Skills Institute for RM5,700, 114 times it's actual cost. Hopefully the car jack was actually put to good use, unlike the two helicopters, purchased by the police air wing for RM117.75 million, which could not be used because it did not meet specifications. Nevertheless, RM15.4 million was spent training pilots to use the birds. Better still, the customs Department spent RM290 million on an IT system, but decided it needed a new one for RM451.3 million despite under-utilizing the first one.

This year, the Auditor-General has continued to showcase the government's mismanagement of funds, including spending RM3.19 million on 1,812 cattle, out of which only nine met the required specifications. In another case, the Health Ministry spent RM33 million on three x-ray machines. I have no clue if that is a fair price to pay for the machines - two PET CT scan machines and one Cyclotron - and the buildings to house them, but the way the contract was awarded - to Glomac, a company not registered with the Contractor Service Center, and one which later sub-contracted the job to another company which did not even have a license to handle radioactive material and X-ray equipment - suggests that something is not quite right with the deal, to put it mildly. Worse, when then-Health Minister Datuk Seri Dr Chua Soi Lek was asked to clarify the issue, he refused to comment, feigning ignorance of the newspaper reports on the issue and claiming that he was no longer with the ministry.

My favourite case, though, is the one with City Hall and the Datuk Keramat Market Complex. Syarikat Pelaras Utara Sdn Bhd was awarded the RM39.12 million contract to build the complex even though the contract evaluation committee knew that the company had financial and employee problems and a history of incomplete work. Seven extensions later, City Hall apparently gave up on Syarikat Pelaras Utara and spent another RM26.56 million for another contractor to finish the job. Add on another RM11.9 million spent on replacing lost or vandalized machinery and equipment as well as hiring a security company, and the total cost of the project comes up to RM77.58 million, almost double the projected cost. City Hall's excuse for extending the deadline a whopping seven times? Helping a bumiputera company. Even the Auditor-General found this a sorry excuse.

When last year's report was made public, there was the usual hue-and-cry, calling for justice to be carried out and for ACA to do it's job. I doubt that the outcome of that was more than a slap on the wrist. This year, the AG's report is in danger of being overshadowed by all the other recent political events. However, with the ACA's sudden show of zeal, perhaps those responsible for all these major gaffes won't be allowed to slip through the cracks.

In other news, Umno division head Datuk Ahmad Ismail was alleged to have said the "Chinese were mere squatters or temporary residents of the nation and therefore, it was impossible to achieve equal rights among races in the country." And this right before the nation's 51st Independence day celebrations. True, this may have been one man's opinion as opposed to the party's sentiments, but it highlights the underlying racial tensions in the country. How many generations will it take before the Chinese and the Indians are seen as Malaysians, not "Chinese" or "Indians"?