Welcome to Malaysia, home of alternative remedies. If you need help to quit smoking, simply call 1-800-QUIT-SMOKING, where the next available agent will assist you shortly in setting up a session where you will be hit by motorcycle helmets and sticks to beat the addiction out of you. The treatment is guaranteed to work, and feel free to sign over your life insurance policy to the agency while you're at it.
However, if you need help removing tattoos, the outcome cannot be guaranteed. Nevertheless, you should still call 1-800-REMOVE-TATTOOS, where you will be given the option of formic acid, special abrasive soap, an iron, or fire-heated metal. I personally recommend the formic acid, as it is the only one that will permanently remove tattoos. Please be warned that some flesh will be removed in the process, but if the bone shows, you should stop the treatment and consult the nearest doctor. If acid is not your cup of tea, hot metal, heated in a fire or an iron may be just the thing to burn it off, failing which you can try the abrasive soap that will shred your skin to bits. Who said tattoos were permanent?
Monday, November 3, 2008
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