Parliament fun house

Well it's certainly been an interesting few weeks politically. There has been, I am sure, lots of motions tabled and debates held, all in the process of our good politicians leading the country. However, I must confess to not remembering any of the motions passed or decisions reached in parliament, except perhaps the Anti-Corruption Bill that's supposed to replace the Anti-Corruption Act (Plan B after Plan A has failed? Maybe we'll have an Anti-Corruption Charter next).

Instead, I remember Karpal Singh being suspended for two days for insulting Speaker Tan Sri Pandikar Amin Mulia. I remember Anwar leading the Pakatan MPs out of the House when Najib refused to take questions in the middle of his speech and I remember them refusing to debate the budget at the committee stage the next day, forcing proceedings to be suspended. I remember Tian Chua being suspended for refusing to sit down during Najib's winding up speech and I remember Fong Po Kuan and Chong Chien Jen being suspended for disobedience, after the former protested Pandikar Amin's decision to wind up the committee stage before she had gotten a chance to speak. Give us a break, Pandikar, the poor girl has been standing for a whole day and you didn't see her?

I also remember thinking that isn't it interesting that all these disciplinary actions are taken against the opposition MPs but when a BN MP used the word "bastard", or as the newspapers put it, "b******", all he was asked to do was to retract the word.

It seems like we are a country led by a bunch of children, and children with highly disrespectful vocabulary at that. At times like these, when we are facing a global economic meltdown, it seems like all our leaders can do, leaders that we have voted for because we believe in their ability to guide us and our country to greater heights, is either decline to speak or refuse to shut up.

And of course, who can forget the hilarious episode of MPs chasing each other to Taiwan and back just before Anwar's threat to overthrow the government, which turned out to be all hot air and no substance?

In my eyes, our MPs, the leaders of our country, should be intelligent, principled, someone we can look up to. Someone with unquestionable morals whose integrity means more to him than something as crass as money. Someone who respects the laws of this country because he and his brethren were responsible for passing those laws in the first place.

Instead, we have MPs who flaunt the laws, blatantly in some cases. Case in point, on Nov 3rd, the newspapers warned us to "snuff out in air-cond areas" as the Health Ministry would be stepping up their enforcement of the ban. A day later, we were told that even our MPs are happily flaunting the law, and in such a (supposedly) august institution as the Parliament, no less. The best part is that even the "No Smoking" signs have disappeared, so it seems that our MPs are vandals and thieves as well.

Since the Health Dept is cracking down on smokers, starting with the 67 summonses issued in one day, perhaps their next target should be the parliament. After all, with all the money politics going on, I'm sure they are sufficiently rolling in it that they can afford to pay for it.

Bye bye, Baby Bush

Now that America has voted and Obama is due to take over the White House next January, it won't be long before we have to (thankfully) say goodbye to George W. Bush. I couldn't believe it when he first won the elections back in 2000, and then was even more flabbergasted when he won it again in 2004. Was America really so dumb as to revote for the guy who started two wars that he couldn't finish and was increasing America's debt to the world at the same rate as he was killing innocent young American soldiers? It's definitely time for a change, but I gotta say, the guy was good for some laughs at least. There are whole websites devoted to this clown of a president but here are ten of my favourite Bushisms from 2007 and 2008:

The misunderestimated me.

"Amigo! Amigo!" - Bush calling out to Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi at the G-8 Summit in Japan

How can you possibly have an international agreement that's effective unless countries like China and India are not full participants?

So long as I'm president, my measure of success is victory - and success.

I don't particularly like it when people put words in my mouth, either, by the way, unless I say it.

All I can tell you is when the governor calls, I answer his phone.

You know, when you give a man more money in his pocket - in this case, a woman more money in her pocket to expand a business, it - they build new buildings. And when somebody builds a new building somebody has got to come and build the building. And when the building expanded it prevented additional opportunities for people to work.

All of us in American want there to be fairness when it comes to justice.

"I'm going to try to see if I can remember as much to make it sound like I'm smart on the subject." - Bush on a possible flu pandemic

"I've heard he's been called Bush's poodle. He's bigger than that." - Bush on former British PM Tony Blair

One of my concerns is that the health care can not be as good as it possibly can be.

Gobama!

Congratulations to Senator Barack Obama soon to be the 44th President of the United States. The 2-year long campaign is finally over and for the first time, a black man who's father hails from Kenya, has the honour and the challenge of leading one of the world's powers. It is a daunting challenge, inheriting "the worst financial turmoil in a century" and two wars from the Bush administration. But the American people believe in him, giving him the job by a landslide. May he bring a greatly-needed wind of change to the White House, to America and to the world.

Alternative remedies

Welcome to Malaysia, home of alternative remedies. If you need help to quit smoking, simply call 1-800-QUIT-SMOKING, where the next available agent will assist you shortly in setting up a session where you will be hit by motorcycle helmets and sticks to beat the addiction out of you. The treatment is guaranteed to work, and feel free to sign over your life insurance policy to the agency while you're at it.

However, if you need help removing tattoos, the outcome cannot be guaranteed. Nevertheless, you should still call 1-800-REMOVE-TATTOOS, where you will be given the option of formic acid, special abrasive soap, an iron, or fire-heated metal. I personally recommend the formic acid, as it is the only one that will permanently remove tattoos. Please be warned that some flesh will be removed in the process, but if the bone shows, you should stop the treatment and consult the nearest doctor. If acid is not your cup of tea, hot metal, heated in a fire or an iron may be just the thing to burn it off, failing which you can try the abrasive soap that will shred your skin to bits. Who said tattoos were permanent?

Honor Code

You must have heard the news about Cambridge by now. "Half of Cambridge students admit cheating," blares the title of the article. An anonymous online poll found that 49% of undergraduates admitted to cheating, while only 5% had been caught. The best soundbite in the article:

“Sometimes, when I am really fed up, I Google the essay title, copy and throw everything on to a blank word document and jiggle the order a bit. They usually end up being the best essays.”

I guess it's true around the world, no matter which top university you go to - getting in is the easy part; after that, it's just, if not plain sailing, then definitely not as insurmountable a challenge as getting past the gates.

Cheating in any form, including plagiarism, is taken very seriously at Princeton. Upon matriculation, each student receives a copy of the Honor Code Constitution, which outlines, in excruciating detail, what constitutes cheating and plagiarizing. One can only be a student of good standing once (s)he signs and returns the honor code statement. Also, we were reminded about the Code at every exam that we took and every paper that we submitted, having had to write the statement 'I pledge my honor that I have not violated the Honor Code during this examination' on each paper. One lives in mortal fear of violating the Honor Code by accidentally neglecting to footnote and attribute everything to its original source. Some take it more seriously than others, but everyone has heard the dark rumours and half-confirmed stories about a friend of a friend of a friend getting thrown out or suspended for a year or more because of an Honor Code violation. Being suspended is, of course, taboo, but being suspended because of an Honor Code violation puts you in among the Untouchables.

Given Princeton's stringent approach to cheating and plagiarism, it's quite a surprise that the students at Cambridge apparently don't seem to understand exactly what plagiarism is. Copying and rearranging Google hits to pass for an essay is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. What sort of reputation is the university inviting for itself if half the students admit to cheating? Admittedly, it was an online poll and anyone could have said anything on it, making the results questionable at best. However, I've found that there's some truth to the saying that 'There is no smoke without a fire,' thus putting Cambridge's No. 2 ranking on the Times Higher Education World University Rankings this year in serious question. But honestly, how can anyone trust a ranking that places Princeton outside the top 5?